Friday, October 14, 2005

A fresh start

My new blog is a sign of the fresh new start I'm making.

Not that I haven't made a lot of fresh new starts- but this will be the first in a while.

I'm a single mom who has been through tough times and good times. And the going was getting a little rough here lately. But I've started a new job and I am taking the time to re-evaluate everything in my life from - do I really need that book case that I've kept for 10 years and holds only junk, to is it time to switch bank accounts, to making sure I never have to pay another late fee on my credit cards and how the heck will I ever get those darn things paid off?

This 're-evaluation' didn't start with my new job... that was just my first step. The 're-evaluation' comes about from what could very well have been a near-death experience. It wasn't that close, but it could have been. And I have too much life left to live to let it end there.

I suffered from two blood clots in my lungs -official name "bilateral pulmanary embolism" last fall. Amazingly the death rate is actually only 1 out of 3 with a single pulmonary embolism. Better than I realized. I haven't found any statistics on what the fatality rate is with bilateral PE's. I'd be curious to know what odds I actually beat. All I do know is that I will swear to my dying day that I know who whispered in my ear that night and made sure that I took the pain in my chest seriously. I'd been hurting for two days - had been to the chiropractor to learn I'd managed to dislocate four ribs - but hadn't done anything to myself, nor been in an accident to cause them to dislocate... ER doctor told me later PE's can actually do that. So I had assumed the pain was from my so very sore ribs. It wasn't until my father whispered in my ear "it's time" that I realized my life might actually be at risk. Why you ask? Because my father died over 30 years ago from multiple PE's when I was only 3. I'm sure he doesn't mind my fighting the 'inevitable' and argueing with him that I wasn't ready to go... after all, from all accounts, I got my stubbornness from him.

It took me several months to feel better... then I felt worse, then better, now worse again. I was just in the ER again this week for symptoms similar to mini-strokes. Current diagnosis is that it's an unusual form of migraines - but then again, they have me taking aspirin just in case there is an arterial clot causing issues with the blood flow to my brain.

But on the lighter side - I want to choose to make my changes in my life now and not wait for my health improves any more before starting to celebrate that I'm alive, that I have two wonderful kids and that life does in fact go on. It's all about now and planning on the future.

No comments: