Saturday, October 22, 2005

a matter of beliefs

Funny how your belief structure frames your perspective on things. I'm not particuolarly religious, but am a bit of a believer of certain forms of supernatural events (after a couple too many experiences), and have never thought of myself as being lucky (way too many bad things happen to me).

But I was reading a blog the other day where "God saved me!" and the woman was writing about how she had survived a pulmonary embolism. Now, I know that they are very lethal. When I did the blog search for it, I found numerous references to people in someone's lives that had died with one. And only one other person who had survived one. But if the fatality rate of a pulmonary embolism is 1 out of 3... that means that 2 out of 3 survived. Did God save them too? Or is it just a matter of numbers.

I personally, felt that it was my father whispering in my ear that made me realize things were serious and it was time to raise the 'alert' and get to the hospital that saved me. Because, to be honest, I never really thought my life was in danger. To be honest, it was fear that caused me to hyperventilate - which is what was dropping my oxygen levels. Because once it became painful to breath - and it was difficult to get enough air - I panicked. Do I think the hospital saved me? No, all they really did was give me pain meds, find the problem - then they put me on meds to keep me from having a second embolism. They didn't do anything else. They occasionally put me on oxygen - but my oxygen levels were already at 100%.

More likely, it was the firemen who saved my life. There was one man in particular - I don't even remember if I even saw his face, he was by my shoulder, and talked very calmly to me. He's the one who convinced me that 'help was here' and I just needed to relax and take slower breaths. That's what brought my oxygen levels back up. Perhaps I should commemorate my 1 year anniversary by taking them a special meal or baked treat this fall.

Anyway - my fellow posters on a message board who have survived PE's all believe they were just lucky to survive. The end - they're not using god, or dead parents as an excuse. It's hard for me to blame it all on luck. Yes, I think I'm lucky to have survived, but was it really good furtune that kept me alive - or is it all just the numbers?

hmmmmm......

1 comment:

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