Well it's almost the end of 2005… it's been a rough year for me, a great year for growing and learning for Little A and a year of popularity and maturing for Big A.
For me - near constant health issues that make me want to crawl into a hole. I've spent almost $3000 on deductibles and co-pays for my healthcare, yet other than the fact that I survived my pulmonary embolisms - there really hasn't been too much good news to report there. I have a new job which greatly decreases my stress levels (both financially and emotionally) which was absolutely a requirement I felt for getting better. It hasn't been the answer to all my prayers - as I feel that the commute has been rough and the hours rougher for me. But, I'm not feeling constant pressure not to miss any work and I work for someone who seems to truly appreciate the skills I bring to the job. Since it's a contract job, I have the flexibility to figure out where I want to move to in the future… although I really don't know where I want to end up being.
I'm feeling pretty torn with the urge to move closer to my mom as I know that I value the time I spend with her and moving closer to home would give me a chance to enjoy her companionship more and perhaps assist her as her needs grow. The other urge is that I'm making a good living here in Des Moines and by moving, I can't guarantee that I can continue to earn anything close to what I'm earning now. If I could find a feasible home-business opportunity where I can use my programming and business talents I could live anywhere and work from home… that would be so awesome. But it isn't like I want to continue to buy into scams - more like I realize that if I was going to do such a thing - it's going to take some risk and some specific opportunities that I'm convinced will never come my way - unless I stop doing what I'm doing and MAKE them happen.
Little A on the other hand is truly thriving right now. He's gaining weight, getting taller, talking more and basically rules the roost around home. He's finally sleeping a bit better. There's only been two nights in the past two months where he stayed up past 10:00 pm… (even though I think 10:00 pm is terribly late for him to stay up) but given that we lay down for bed between 8:00 and 8:30 pm each of those same months (barring trips to grandmas) I'm pretty sure we're not going to get any better than 10:00 pm. He's speaking so much more and so much more of what he's trying to say is with more purpose and pronunciation than ever before. He does actually repeat after me sometimes now where as before he wouldn't even try. We've got a little ways to go before he catches up with 'normal' but he's so smart - it's just a matter of applying himself more than anything else.
Big A has serious senior-itis which is something I'm learning how to live with. Chores are met with a look of disgust… I'm trying to be more appreciative of what work he is doing. After all, it's really not his fault that his mother has become a near invalid lately who wants nothing more than to curl up in her bed all day every day. He helps with Little A and he helps with the laundry… I just hate the fact that the house looks the way it does and I don't have the strength, energy or health to tackle it and keep it clean. So I ask a lot of him. Can't say I blame him for feeling the stress from that. He's come a long way since we first moved to Newton - yes, he still spends way too much time on the computer - but these days, oft as not he has friends in the basement with him playing on their pc's along side him. Everyone loves having LAN parties at our house since there's so much room in the basement for them to spread out…. Too bad it isn't cleaner.
So, either I'm going to win the lottery and no longer need to be employed or I'm looking to create the miracle that I need so that I can support myself from a home business. In the meantime, I'd like to find the miracle that will let me return to a normal life… not too much to ask for a New Year's miracle, is it?
Can, you imagine - it was only about 1 year ago when the worst illness I'd ever experienced had been the chicken pox or the flu with nothing more serious in my medical history than a tonsillectomy as a child and a c-section… I didn't appreciate my health as much as I should have.