Monday, December 05, 2005

Another long week

Well, I was home Wednesday, Thursday and Friday... but am back to work today. Tuesday night was rough with Alex and he threw up again - so no daycare on Wednesday for him. Then Wednesday night - Thursday morning I managed to spend half in the bathroom with the stomach flu. Every time I moved my head, stood up, etc... it felt like everything was shifting and getting jostled around in my head - then I'd get sick to my stomach... ugh. So I sat in my recliner trying not to move my head and watched cartoons that Alex liked so he would be 'content'. I'm a terrible mother, I know.... I sacrificed some quality time just to have time to stay immobile for a few minutes at a time. Adam came down with it on Thursday night - so we've at least all been through it now - ugh. Friday I set my alarm because I thought I should be over it... but when I stood up - I got dizzy again, laid down for a second to 'steady' the world.... And slept until 11:30 am... guess I wasn't meant to go back to work, huh?

Saturday wasn't much better - but I think that part of the end of the week was the flu and part was I was transitioning off of one set of happy pills to go to a new set and it took a while for it to get out of my system. The packet says you can't just stop taking them... but the doctor thought I could - well, news flash - it's not worth trying. Sunday was better. I'm still not 100%... But I'm taking things slow and working my way back. I actually cleaned the living room on Sunday and vacuumed... which is like an amazing feat these days.

I hate that I can't keep my house clean, I hate that when I wake up in the morning that my body feels like I'm wearing a medieval suit of armor. Some how, some way, either things have to get better OR they have to figure out what's going on medically.

My symptoms are odd and tend to vary by day or by level of activity:

  • The right side of my face is now perpetually numb/tingly/heavy - like a shot of novacain that's just beginning to wear off... you can start feeling sensation, but it's like it's filtered... the tingling is mild, but it's really, really weird when the right side of your tongue is tingly and the left side is normal... like really weird. The heavy-ness is constant - it feels like the right side of my face is drooping - but I look in the mirror and it's normal.
  • My right eye is blurry like 90% of the time. My right eye with my contact in was 20/20... my left eye with my contact in is only 20/50... and when the right eye goes blurry - it's an effort to see clearly everything I think I should be able to see. I spent some time playing solitaire on the computer last week when I could barely move - and I had trouble differentiating the spades from clubs and 8's from 9's.
  • Both sides of my neck feel swollen (which could just be the glands from the flu) - and it feels like I'm wearing a neck collar or something. If I move my head to quickly to the side (i.e., like when checking for traffic in another lane or to try to figure out what Alex was carrying in a double-take)... I have shooting, stabbing pain from both sides of my neck.
  • My upper back is tender on the left side... I can't stand to be touched hardly at all.
  • My left shoulder (underarm) is still extremely painful - although it only seems to be bothering me for about ten minutes at a time four or five times a day.
  • My chest pain is severe when it happens - usually after exerting myself... and in the region of my heart.
  • The chronic 'tightness' I was feeling in my chest walls seems to have let up some... although if I'm out in the cold and breathing cold air for more than a couple of minutes I get sharp pains in my lungs... ugh, I hate winter.
  • The only other symptoms is my leg pains that tend to be worse in my left leg than in my right - although I do have occasional numbness in my right leg, don't know if it's related to lessening the pains or not.

I haven't been to the doctor - what's the point? They don't know what's wrong with me and they've ran all the tests to see if there are any blood clots or possibility of stroke or heart attack. So the good news is that I'm not dying... the bad news is that sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier if I was.

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