Monday, November 10, 2008

Getting worse

OK - so Saturday it took me a couple of hours to figure out what was going on - but basically, the intermittent numbness? Just stopped - "stopping". Its no longer intermittent. Its now constant. Has been for over 48 hours now. Last time this happened it was declared "permanent". For some reason, I'm trying to avoid the thought that this is already permanent damage... I know it's just denial - but hey, I'm going with it for now.

AND? now, I'm having "episodes" on my left side. Just 3 or 4 times a day so far, and maybe only a few minutes long - but if the pattern holds true - they'll get longer & more frequent and then eventually? stick around.

My appt at the neurologist isn't until the 8th of December, so I've called my Internist and his nurse is hoping he'll be able to convince someone to see me sooner... I'm feeling quite depressed about all of it.

And, a little fearful. What happens when I lose all feeling? As it is, I had a bloody lip the other day and it was dripping down my chin & onto my shirt - and I didn't know it was bleeding - it took my co-worker seeing it to bring it to my attention. Add the fact I'm taking blood thinners, and it's not a good mix.

Even more worrisome is what happens if it doesn't stop at just "feeling" - what happens if I have an episode where I can't move??? What happens if that happens while I'm driving to or from work? I'm a little freaked out and trying to simply calm down about all of it. But since no one seems to have any clues to figure this out... I'm just trying to stop thinking about the "what ifs" and focus on the fact that it hasn't been serious yet - and it's not like I've lost all feelings.

But, I can't help but feel sad about what I've already lost. I don't want to lose more. As it is, now, I can't feel the wind on my face (well half my face) - I have trouble testing water temperature - poor "a" has wizened up fast and tests the water temperature for himself. Good news (I'm trying to find a good side) is that my chronic teeth pain is gone on my right side... doesn't bother me a bit right now. Since it did bother except during my 'episodes' -- it's kind of nice not to have to deal with it now... so, is it bad to want the left side to 'catch up' and get in sync with my right side before finding a cure???

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