Wednesday, November 26, 2008

On the kindness of strangers and the power of positive thinking

I was born Lutheran, but consider myself an Atheist. Wasn't always this way. But, when my step-son Patrick was shot & killed... this is where I landed.

That said, I still believe in the power of prayer. I don't pray myself, but I believe that prayer is very similar to the power of positive thoughts. And, whether its positive karma, or chi, or who-knows-what... positive thinking is good for you. It's hard to practice when things get all stressful, and things go from bad to worse... and just sometimes, you need someone else to help remind you to think positively, to want and ask for things to improve.

"A" had driven me to my sleep-deprived required medical test... the second long-shot test. We were sitting in the waiting room waiting for our turn... and there was the cutest baby sitting there with grandma (mom was also being tested). Grandma was about my age, super nice & easy to talk to. We talked about a little bit of everything including the fact that I wouldn't mind being a grandma now, only it's obviously so NOT the right time for "A". I can be patient... he needs to get his life sorted out first... but that I'm looking forward to a baby to babysit. Including the fact that her husband is an inventor... very cool. Including the fact that she home schools her teenagers. Lots of things. Somehow things came around to the story of my current medical issues. She asked me, very kindly if it would be ok for her to sit near me and pray for me. I broke into tears. She was so earnest, and thoughtful, kind, generous and giving. For a stranger, who happened to share a waiting room with her and some conversation for about twenty minutes.

So, we will focus on the positive side of things (for as long as I can try). I don't have many of the conditions that aren't treatable. I don't have a tumor, lupus, ms, large clot in my brain. I am able to get up and go to work every day. It may be all I do that day, but I am able to do it. I make a good living where I work now and although I've had a lot of setbacks on the road to getting out of debt (beyond obviously); I do believe I'm doing all the right things. I just need to toughen up a bit, and not use my bank account until things get to a better place.

"A" and "a" are both healthy and although neither is jumping with joy on a daily basis - their lives aren't actually disasters either. I believe that if I can spend more time "enjoying" myself with my boys and less time grousing from the bed - that I can improve their happiness. Enjoying time with my boys means more time on the couch -- but I can do that; and more time doing things that they enjoy doing... playing games, coloring will work for "a" -- for "A"? I'm going to have to stretch myself a bit... but then again, he doesn't really need me to do much - just give him a chance to talk more about computer games and his fantasy games... just making myself available and listening is more than I've done in the past. I can do that much.

I've also been really bad about walking the dog lately. Now that we live on the first floor, I can tie her outside and don't HAVE to walk her for bathroom breaks, I was still walking her at least twice a day until stress & health issues made that so challenging. I still won't be able to walk her as often as I'd like, but I'd like to get back to walking her at least once a day. She deserves it and needs it... and she'll be so less hyper if she got that exercise. SO, that's another thing I can do that will only take 10 minutes a day (at least at first... more if I start feeling better, but I'll build slowly).

As for my health. I'm going back to my Internist... I know that it's likely that my extreme exhaustion is back due to the stress more than anything else... but he also took me off of a couple of the supplements. As such, I really want to verify that this reaction isn't a result of taking those out... I want him to retest me and see if I don't just need to take smaller dosages. Its not a solution for everything, but its at least stage, the start of a plan of attack.

Stage two - I'm going to do some searching - see if I can find any local medical detectives. Maybe if I didn't need to go to New York to find one, I can find a solution sooner and less expensively. If not, then I'm saving up for a trip to NY. And, if nothing is figured out? Then we go to stage three.

Stage three - I'm going to monitor to see if my health follows the trend and I happen to get better in the Spring all by myself without treatment. Seems like that's been the trend - get worse in Oct - Nov; get better (somewhat) come spring. It's not like I love snow anyway, and if nothing else is figured out, but warm weather makes a difference; then I think I need to seriously consider moving South. Don't know where - guess it'll depend on locations where I can work from and keep my current employer or where I can find other work - where the cost of living is reasonable and the weather temperate.

So, a plan of attack, positive belief that any one of these stages will absolutely help me feel better - if we don't find the solution, at least I'm not just lying in bed all depressed because no one knows what to do.


britchik96 said...

WOW! I'm a true believer in a) karma and b) what goes around comes around. This lady was right there when you needed it. You are so strong and to be able to list what you're going to do is amazing. I wish I could help more....but it's great that A is starting to assist. I will do some research on Dr detectives too.

Anonymous said...

Even most atheists will not argue that the power of prayer works, so your thoughts on the matter aren't off track from others with the same beliefs (or lack thereof?)..... As you said, most don't call it prayer- instead its karma, meditation, relaxation, etc.

In my religion you just try to balance yourself with the things around you. Many times meditation helps.