Thursday, November 13, 2008

Stress upon stress upon stress

So, I finally got the 401K withdrawal that I probably shouldn't have done.

I thought about it for about six months before I blogged about doing it. Then it took me over a month to finally go through with it. Unfortunately, a creditor garnished it plus the entire balance of my checking account - which if they'd known about the outstanding checks they would have realized my balance was actually only around $40. But, instead, my balance is now -$1600. Yes there is a minus in front of that number.

I did not get groceries last week because I knew there wasn't really enough money in the account to handle it. Now, it's going to be two more weeks before I can buy GROCERIES... since my entire check will be used to cover the overdraft. I'm going to be getting the "pink slip" from my daycare next - because I can't afford to pay them.

I have called the attorney's handling the garnishment to ask them to at least release a partial amount so that I can keep my job and put some food on my table. I don't know whether it will help. They are looking at it to determine what they can or will do - and I won't hear back until Monday. I'm tempted to stop the direct deposit on my pay check. If they mail me my check I can choose to deposit some of it and at least then I can keep enough cash out to survive on. But doing that will mean that my bank account will remain overdrawn long enough they'll probably close the account. Oh, and the checks that bounced/overdrafted? Include life insurance payment, rent and my overdue car payment.

The bullying that's occurring is going to force me into bankruptcy which really, really s*cks. Not that I'm 100% against bankruptcy. But I've just spent almost $1800 to a debt recovery service trying to avoid bankruptcy... and its definitely not refundable.

I've got the number for a food bank, so we won't starve just yet... I'm proud, but food comes first. "A" & "a" have eaten pasta or rice now for three meals straight - so it's time to go to the food pantry.

I'm debating the next step - which is probably to see if "a" can go live with his father for a little while since I won't have the ability to pay for his current, let alone a new daycare. If that's not a possibility, I can fight for the right to work from home temporarily. I know my boss won't be happy about it, but it's either that or lose my job or lose custody of "a". I'm not happy about either of those either - but you have to do what you have to do.

I spent about two hours this morning talking to attorney's and employee assistance counseling in tears in a conference room. I can barely think about work, let alone focus on it. I haven't slept properly for three nights. I keep trying to come up with ways to solve the issue... and since my "solutions" are obviously not working, it's not doing me much good.

I finally got an appt to see a neuro on Monday. My last PTO day will be used doing that... after that I think I need to have like three days unpaid before short term disability will kick in... as between the stress and my health, I'm barely functioning... and stress is not going to help anything.

I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm angry - though I have no idea who I am angry at. I'm not eligible for the majority of the types of assistance out there. I can't afford the lousy $20 co-pay that a counselor would charge me. I've been at the end of the rope for so long battling this health issue and my debts that I feel like all I have left is a thread and I've got it pinched between two fingernails.

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