So ... haven't posted yet about kicking "A" out of the house. Kept thinking that the worst was yet to come. But, so far so good. Thursday he seemed to finally decide that I was serious about the whole thing and started asking around for places to stay. Friday after work, I got home and he wasn't there. He took a change of clothes & his phone and nothing else.
Saturday he did call to tell me that he had a job interview on Monday and was staying at some friends until then in Ames. Haven't heard a peep from him since.
As much as I am thankful we didn't have to have a confrontation on Friday and didn't have to deal with additional stress. I still got to say that it's been hard. I feel like I've taken a kick in the gut. I'm still fighting off general depression - add to it a feeling like I've failed him (even though I fully realize I've gone above and beyond trying to give him extra chances); and the stress from my finances that even though I think I've got a handle on everything - I know deep down I really don't and am right now at the mercy of people who don't show much mercy to anyone. And basically? I'm walking a high wire without a rope.
I've retreated to my bedroom most evenings and all weekend. I'm anti-social. I'm frustrated. I'm unmotivated. And it's not fair to "a". So, tonight the plan is to NOT retreat to my bedroom. And even if I can't be super-mom right now - to at least spend some time with him and spend time chatting him up. He loves his video game... so hopefully we can spend some time playing that tonight and get a little reconnected again. We'll see.
In the meantime - I'm investigating filing for bankruptcy again. Another creditor managed to slip through the grasp of this debt solution company - and they tell me that I'm not covered for this debt. It's obvious now that it's a no-win solution. I know - I know - you guys have been trying to guide me for a while on this - I just had to be stubborn about it. I had purchased a money order yesterday for their next payment - and I'm thinking I'm going to turn around & cash it back out & try to use it for saving up for the lawyer. I've got another $800 money order for the car payment... and honestly? if they have to restructure my debt anyway - paying that right now to the finance company simply means it will take me that much longer to pay the lawyer - am wondering if I shouldn't cash it out too and do what I can to stall them until I find the lawyer. Shouldn't take me more than two weeks to get in with a lawyer and get them started on the process... at least that's about all the longer it took me last time I thought I was going to file bankruptcy. Should-a could-a probably should have went through with it then. But, stubborn ol'e me - I keep thinking I can figure things out on my own and I keep battling long after anyone else would have given in.