Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Anti-climatic Friday; but still a tough weekend

So ... haven't posted yet about kicking "A" out of the house. Kept thinking that the worst was yet to come. But, so far so good. Thursday he seemed to finally decide that I was serious about the whole thing and started asking around for places to stay. Friday after work, I got home and he wasn't there. He took a change of clothes & his phone and nothing else.

Saturday he did call to tell me that he had a job interview on Monday and was staying at some friends until then in Ames. Haven't heard a peep from him since.

As much as I am thankful we didn't have to have a confrontation on Friday and didn't have to deal with additional stress. I still got to say that it's been hard. I feel like I've taken a kick in the gut. I'm still fighting off general depression - add to it a feeling like I've failed him (even though I fully realize I've gone above and beyond trying to give him extra chances); and the stress from my finances that even though I think I've got a handle on everything - I know deep down I really don't and am right now at the mercy of people who don't show much mercy to anyone. And basically? I'm walking a high wire without a rope.

I've retreated to my bedroom most evenings and all weekend. I'm anti-social. I'm frustrated. I'm unmotivated. And it's not fair to "a". So, tonight the plan is to NOT retreat to my bedroom. And even if I can't be super-mom right now - to at least spend some time with him and spend time chatting him up. He loves his video game... so hopefully we can spend some time playing that tonight and get a little reconnected again. We'll see.

In the meantime - I'm investigating filing for bankruptcy again. Another creditor managed to slip through the grasp of this debt solution company - and they tell me that I'm not covered for this debt. It's obvious now that it's a no-win solution. I know - I know - you guys have been trying to guide me for a while on this - I just had to be stubborn about it. I had purchased a money order yesterday for their next payment - and I'm thinking I'm going to turn around & cash it back out & try to use it for saving up for the lawyer. I've got another $800 money order for the car payment... and honestly? if they have to restructure my debt anyway - paying that right now to the finance company simply means it will take me that much longer to pay the lawyer - am wondering if I shouldn't cash it out too and do what I can to stall them until I find the lawyer. Shouldn't take me more than two weeks to get in with a lawyer and get them started on the process... at least that's about all the longer it took me last time I thought I was going to file bankruptcy. Should-a could-a probably should have went through with it then. But, stubborn ol'e me - I keep thinking I can figure things out on my own and I keep battling long after anyone else would have given in.

1 comment:

britchik96 said...

Your tenacity and drive is amazing. I'm glad that you've been strong enough to remove A. This is not your failure....more like his personality being one where he has to learn his own mistakes (not sure who he's like here.....LOL). Now you can devote yourself to a.