Thursday, October 22, 2009

Dating and the Single Parent

OK, so I've done this single parent thing for a VERY LONG time.

I've also done quite a bit of dating - admittedly on & off...

A policy I came up with after "A" got to be old enough to know anything was to NOT introduce my son to EVERYONE I went out with. If they lasted past the six week mark, then I would introduce them.

The net result was that he didn't see the parade of first-date losers, or the guys where we seemed to have a connection, but then things just don't work out. Admittedly, not everyone that he met didn't last forever... but the ones he met count less than 20 as opposed to the MANY more men that I actually dated.

The only issue that arose is something that I don't think is related to this... but instead more of a generational gap kind of thing. Is that he did assume that I was having sex with everyone I dated. And he did know there were guys that I would go out with once, but never see again. So, he got the impression that I was a bit loose. Even now, I think he struggles with the concept that you can date someone and not have sex with them... but then again, I think he would think of it more like "hanging out together" than dating. To me, hanging out is something you do with friends - not someone you'd eventually like to consider having sex with.... but again - it's probably just the changing times that give us different perceptions.

Well - I'm dating again. This time to a divorced father of one (same age as "a") - let's nickname him Sun.... and we both think that it would be great if we can all four spend time together. But, I'm not quite ready to throw out my minimum six week requirement. He's not pushing me to change it, just commenting that it would be nice for the children to be able to play together and it would be less restrictive for when we can see each other. Since he has his daughter 50% of the time, and I have "a" 95% of the time... it would make it much easier to date.

But, I have a question. He has his daughter this weekend - and "a" is at dad's. I know of a haunted house/halloween party set up for children this weekend and I think his daughter would get a kick out of it.

So, I was thinking about just telling Sun about it... so that he could take his daughter. But to be honest, I'd really like to see Sun this weekend while "a" is out of town. How bad is it that I don't want to introduce my son to him because things might not last very long; yet would be willing to meet his daughter just so I can spend time with him? Seems like it's not very fair. But then again - he doesn't have the same policy - so it's not like she's meeting his other shorter-term dating partners.

And secondly - after all the confusion "A" had as it was even though I had sheltered him from most of the men I dated... it's not like my "policy" really worked to the best benefit. Am I just being too old-fashioned? Should I loosen up and go with the flow?

1 comment:

britchik96 said...

Why don't you go with the flow... if he wants to meet up with his daughter, then do it. Just don't let it be at your house or his so it's neutral. That way you're meeting a friend and his daughter - not your bloke's kid!

And yes, loosen up:) Remember A doesn't want to think of you as a person with a sex life....you are his mother after all! I've now got a visual of my parents....ewwwwww! I knew there was a reason I'd never thought of that before!!!

Also, more details on the man please....