Monday, May 30, 2011

dealing

I have two remaining debt payments to make to get to debt-free with companies. Then I owe a dear friend some repayments. Not sure she will accept cash repayments so I am trying to plan something a little more special in hopes that it will allow me to repay her for her generousity when I was literally at the end of my rope.

The last couple of years have been quite brutal, but all the cost cutting and frugality has paid off.

Next is my surgery in two weeks... I dare to dream that it will help with more than the cramping... wouldn't be amazing if in a few months not only would I be debt free but also out of pain and not feeling like a 90 yr old woman who spends her evenings and weekends in bed.

If I can get those parts of my life in order.... then maybe I can start dealing with correcting another portion of my life. My job. I am NOT calling my current job my career intentionally... sigh. The sad thing is that I enjoy what I do, when I get to do it. I have great coworkers. My coworkers respect me an feel like I am a cornerstone in our department. Which helps me maintain my confidence that I am providing a needed service. But my managers are extremely critical, shut me down and are constantly complaining about me. Every time I try to explain the processes we have developed as a team or actual issues that we need to solution for, they can't understand me. I find it really frustrating because I normally pride myself on being able to take technical information and translate it to a form that just about anyone can follow. The issue is that these two particular people don't listen to understand. They shut down early in the conversation. So basically they ask me to explain myself, then stop paying attention, then criticize me when they walk out confused. I haven't been in a place over the last two years where I could afford to take any risks with my career... so I have been doing my best at biting my tongue and grinning and bearing it.

But if my health really does improve, its time for me to find a new career path that gets me away from these idiots. I would love to find a way to do something of true value instead of pushing papers for mortgages. But I am pretty darn certain I would end up getting a drastic pay cut and I am uncomfortable even thinking about giving up my 24 days of PTO a year. Sigh. So I may end up just trying to find something else within the company first.... feed my soul with the charity knitting instead and keep the posh salary as best I can. But at least I can look for a position where the management staff aren't so idiotic as to treat one of their star performers as if they are dirt.

Am really hopeful that this surgery eases things... I hate feeling so stuck.
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