Grrr... last week I had a sleepless night because I was so ticked with my ex-husband (through no fault of his own; just sheer good fortune for him). This week, I'm finally getting ok with it - mostly because it's not like it makes my life worse in any way what so ever; just made me feel like it temporarily. But I got NO sleep last night.
I rarely have trouble sleeping. But it might be because I'm not battling the severe fatigue any more.
I think I was stressed out about requesting a new lease at my apartment. I HATE my apartment. But 90% of why I hate my apartment is because it got so dirty and disgusting while I was ill and I want new furniture and need to really clean things and rearrange things and get things sorted out. Moving won't fix half of my issues right now - it would just move all the 'uck' with us. My apartment feels too small (it's not that small at a 2 bedroom - 1 1/2 bathroom and 1000 sq feet). But because things aren't organized well right now and not cleaned out - it feels too small.
I can't find a better rental option (after searching for 18 months) right now that won't cost an arm and a leg more. And if I want to save up for a house, I really need to keep my costs down... this apartment is easily $100 less than an equiavalent (but not quite as nice an apartment) and $400 to $500 for anything even remotely a 'little' nicer (but almost always with another disadvantage). Of course, I did find two houses recently online for rent. Yeah. from the same guy who is stealing real estate owner's identities and trying to scam rental deposits online. sigh. Same broken English in both responses, an excuse for living out of the country, almost identical e-mails about how the house was recently listed for sale; but he 'changed his mind' and just ignore the house for sale sign in the front yard. Sorry, dude. I have enough trouble with finances - I'm not going to let you scam me.
So, it really doesn't make sense to move right now. I'm better off saving that difference in rent money and using it to save up for a deposit for a house. Instead I'm trying to focus on making my apartment more livable. Its a lot of work - sigh. But hopefully it'll feel like a new apartment when I'm finished and will be easier to keep clean in the end. And if I really am 'fixed' then I should be in good shape.
1) CLEAN every room to an inch of it's life and then keep it clean
2) PURGE everything we don't really use and/or doesn't work for the use we need it to work for - if it's useful it can go into storage - everything else is getting donated and/or dumped
3) Rearrange the remaining items to fit in the space we have left with an eye to new furniture coming in (so I don't have to do this more than once) and try to maximize the 'space' to feel bigger while we're at it
4) Replace the storage items that weren't working with items that do work
5) Redecorate and replace ugly items as funds come available
So why am I stressed out about signing a 9 mo lease?
I suppose because I really, really want to move. Really bad. My list above seems like a TON of work. BUT if I have 'useful' storage and a nicely decorated home that's maintainable because it isn't filled with junk - we've just removed 90% of the reason I don't want to be here. (The last 10% is lack of maintenance from the apartment complex -- which honestly? If my apartment wasn't the junk pile it is now, I'd feel better about nagging them - but since they don't complain about my apartment being disaster zone, I've not been as much a pest about the issues in the apartment).
My apartment is relatively inexpensive, is big compared to a lot of others, has a full size washer and dryer in the unit is in a GREAT location, the building is super quiet (I'm sure I'm the noisiest neighbor), I can have both my cat and dog... and it doesn't make sense to move if my biggest issues are actually tied to stuff IN the apartment - lol.
I get it, I do.
Besides, if I do all of this work, then WHEN I DO find a great place to move into (even if it's in five years after saving up to buy a home) then I'll have nicer stuff to move into the new place. (Why was I tempted to put a question mark after that sentence?)
So, it's settled. I'm staying in the apartment. And in a couple of months I'm hoping I can say that without making a frowny/pouty face. :-)