Monday, November 18, 2013

Online dating in your 40's

I tell you what - online dating isn't what it used to be.

I still get a lot of flattery, which is ego-boosting and feel-good.

But, I'm getting a TON of folks who don't read the 'what are you looking for' section... and are assuming that I'm up for some casual do-me-tonight kind of fling.

I've had no LESS than five guys send me full frontal pics. Seriously? What are you two? Did you just discover that you have one and not everyone does and need to show it to me? It drives me nuts. First off, it's honestly not the best looking feature on a man's body. Secondly, unless I'm naked and horny in a room with you? I don't want to see it. Thirdly? I have a six year old and ten year old boy borrowing my phone CONSTANTLY to play games on it. I can't have photos like that on there!!!!

I've had at least six guys who just wanted phone sex. Pretty sure that I'm into it, if I'm already intimate with you and we can't be together. But, a stranger on the phone? Dude, call a 1-900 line... because those girls deserve the cash because it's NOT THAT FUN if I'm never going to be having sex with you in real life.

I've had at TWO guys ask me or insinuate that they need money. Seriously? Do women really fall for scams like that? How sad is that?  I had two other guys who were totally lying about their location. Not sure if they were looking for phone sex or trying to decide if they could scam me... it never got that far. What is the point of lying about where you live? Did you already use up all the good contacts in your area???  Or just trolling for someone weak?

I met a guy that seemed nice enough, well, until I realized he wasn't actually separated... but was still married.

I have met a couple of nice guys. One showed up to a nice place with a bandana on his head and no less than six pieces of biker jewelry on him. He then spent an hour talking about his single, female boss. I would have left my drink unfinished and called it a night, but to be completely honest? I'd taken a benedryl and sat there in a daze totally out of it. Somehow we ended up having dinner together...?  And yeah. Then it was time to call it a night because I was so out of zone. He had a nice time? I was a zombie and he thought it was a good date? Sad.

The other guy ended up really just wanting a hook up. I get it, I do... but for women? It's rare that it's REALLY good the first time we're with you. It usually takes us a little while to build up to a little more excitement. I'm pretty sure this isn't for me. If I wanted a hook up??? I'd go to the bar, at least then I can pick up the sexiest guy in the bar and get to use alcohol as an excuse the next morning.  If I hook up with a guy totally sober? And it stinks? Well, then it's depressing and I have no one to blame but myself.  I'll save my hook ups when I break down and do them for random strangers in an alcohol-indused frenzy, thank you very much.

Of course, there have been worse examples in the not-so-distant past. There was the gay guy who thought an older woman would cure his affliction.... blamed the ED on too much to drink (guys...psssst. Here's a secret. If you're going to use that excuse, drink something alcoholic. We don't believe you if you've only had Pepsi and water to drink all night.)

I've had two guys that turned stalker on me... hence why everyone gets my cell phone number only. No last name, no address, no details until you prove your sanity. And if you can't understand why a single mom might need to keep some private things private until I know the stranger I just met online just a bit better???? Well, then seriously? Reality is what it is... and I didn't live this long by taking stupid chances. Right now, if you turn into a freak all I have to do is rename your contact on my cell to 'do not answer' and I never have to talk to you again.  I had one guy who really REALLY wanted to come by and get laid one night... his excuse as to why I ought to trust him??? Was that he couldn't be a weirdo, he has a girlfriend. Dude. You just told me that you have a girlfriend. Since I'm looking for a future boyfriend (preferrably one that doesn't cheat on me or his other girlfriends)... I'm thinking that the answer is REALLY NO now. duh.

I've had three guys EXPLODE in anger over my having to work around my son's working schedule so he could babysit and/or last minute plans changing meaning I had to babysit their son...  honestly? Sh*t happens. And it happens in my life an awful lot. If you can't handle a few delays with tact and decency??? I'm not interested in spending more time with you. You can express irritation and/or frustration and/or a wish that you didn't have to wait a little longer to meet me... without calling me names and treating me like dirt. Because, honestly? If that's all it takes to set you off, you are too much drama for me.

NOTE: Worst case scenario? The online dating story that  is becoming my friend's favorite go-to online dating horror story? We'll save that for another post (once I double-check it isn't already in the archives).

All in all? It's been kind of an ego-boost. I know I look younger than my age, and I know that I'm not exactly beautiful, but kinda cute. And having a dozen guys lusting after you is fun and all... but there's still a lot of weeding through the jerks.

I don't think I'm asking for the moon. I'd like to find an attractive, sexy guy who would enjoy going out sometimes and staying in sometimes and taking it easy. Not looking for forever, but not looking for one night stands either (well, unless you suck in bed, then you probably won't get a second shot).  I'm finally at the point where I would consider a guy a possibility for boyfriend potential... but am also at the stage of getting irritated by the annoying men who are so self-involved they can't understand that online dating isn't just a cheaper way of getting off than paying a prostitute or for phone sex. If we are looking just to get laid? Most of us women don't have to go through the work of online dating ads just for sex. If we're making the effort, chances are we're looking for more than just sex and/or wierdo's who will make our lives miserable.

1 comment:

Phil Lovegrove said...

That is all so true... what about the one where they say they want to see you Mon-Thurs only after work but no, they're not married or in a relationship. REALLY? Do I sound like an idiot? Clearly I do.