Monday, June 16, 2014

Father's day

My stepfather and I have never been close. He had married an older woman who had three teenagers and a younger daughter. They took a little while to become a 'family', but we did. And even more so, when he had a son (my youngest brother) with her. But he wasn't quite ready to be 'dad' when I was little. Less so, once I became a teenage girl with authority issues. Even less ready to become a grandfather when my eldest was born.

We get along. We're just not 'close'.

Since my own birth father had died when I was quite young... I had been super close to him, but I never had that connection again with anyone after that. It was all about my mom when I was growing up.

And since my eldest son's father hasn't been a part of his life (well, ever), he never really experienced having a dad around either.

Admittedly, I was married for several years in the hopes of obtaining a father for my son. But come to find out he didn't really want to be a dad to my son. And it wasn't too much longer after I realized that before I realized that I didn't need him in my life after all.

And my other son's father and I were only dating when I conceived and we had split up before I'd known we'd conceived.

Well... father's day has always been a bit 'odd'. It doesn't quite fit our family. My youngest son usually gets to spend Father's day weekend with his dad... which at least gives me a little break. But, it's been hard to call it a family event or holiday.

I did start teasing my eldest son about father's day when he was a teenager. It's not like he had anyone in his life besides myself and my mother. And, I figured I deserved some due for being the one to toss a softball or kick the soccer ball with him. I was the one who took him to baseball games. I was the one who taught him to mow the lawn and grill out on the grill. I taught him how to hike, camp and fish- though I never could quite bring myself to clean them (catch & release works better when you aren't a big fish eater - lol). I was the one helping him with his cub scout activities.

He pretty much ignored all my attempts at getting some recognition on father's day... until he became a father himself.

Now, I get flowers and dinner for Mother's day. And father's day? Comes with a huge thank you and a conversation about how much he appreciates what I have done and continue to do to support him.

He's turning into a pretty great father on his own. And I think it's pretty cool that once a boy becomes a man and understands what it really takes to be a man? He realizes that some of that came from his mother... and that it is ok.


No comments: