Monday, September 14, 2015

Three months in...

J & I are getting pretty serious.

He's there when I need him, be it busy weekend, or just spending a lazy afternoon just hanging out.

He broke down and admitted something he couldn't have told me before....

He knew by our second date that he wanted to marry him.

Good thing he's smart enough to know better than to tell me that then.

He's told me he wants to live together and that he wants to start shopping for rings... I'm ready for the first, not sure I'm ready for the second and told him so.

Right now he thinks I don't want the ring shopping to happen because it's only been three months. And that certainly is part of it.

But part of it is that I've been in remission from my health issues all summer... and he has seen me tired and needing more rest than some women my age and he's seen me pace myself... but he hasn't seen me out for the count. I know how hard it is for me to define and discuss my health issues and we've talked about it... but ...

I just think he needs to live through a flare up before we get married.

I don't think it'll be a problem. But I know that it will be a shock. And I just think it would only be fair to give him a chance to see it for himself before we make things official.

We've spent the night together at hotels... and when Alex is at his dad's I've spent the weekend at his house. This coming weekend we're thinking Alex will come along for one night just to try merging our families together for short term trials. I'm a little concerned that he still hasn't spent the night at my house, but I'm thinking it will probably be something we'll try to do shortly.

It's definitely going to be an adjustment. His house is almost always quiet and calm... my house tends to go from empty to chaos in no time at all.

We haven't talked yet about where we'll live. My thoughts are filled with what won't work, not with what do we do to make something work. So, the weekend trials are meant to help us both see what will work and what won't work and give us a chance to think about how to fix the issues. I honestly think that in the end we need a bigger house than either of us owns. But, buying a house together is NOT something I'm ready to leap into.

I'm hoping that since Alex has 8 months left at his current school that I can convince him into temporarily living with us until next summer and let his son live alone (he's 27 & between apartments) at his house. We can pop in for the weekends and help take care of household chores and duties that his son isn't keeping up on. Then next summer we can make new plans for the following school year. Maybe by then putting up two houses for sale and buying a house won't be as panic-inducing as it would be now.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Six weeks in, and I'm in trouble

J & I have been dating for almost six weeks now. BF/GF for four weeks (he was determined to label our relationship and have a conversation; during which he formally asked if he could call me his girlfriend!!!).

The first two weeks it was great.

The next week was my first week of vacation and it was amazing.

The following week he was on vacation and I was partly on vacation and it was even more amazing.

Then the week we were both back to work full-time it was harder. He works around 11:30pm to around 8:30 am; I work 8:00 am to around 8:00 pm (right now, rough hours)... he usually sleeps from around 2:30pm to 9:30 pm... which means very limited time during the week.  But we planned a lunch date during the week and it was great.

But then this weekend hit.

Friday night was an 8 yr old birthday party (fun and great and his whole family was there and -of course- checking us out). Funny enough, I'm no longer enough when I go alone to these events. Every single person wanted to know why J wasn't with me as apparently I am no longer an individual, but half of a couple - lol.

We went out for dinner afterwards and crashed for a while.

But Saturday? Saturday was filled with issues. I had to work during the day and he needed to catch up on some yard work. By the time it was time for our date? My son had called - he was uber-sick and so was the baby - and can mom come help? I picked up the baby and had the 8 yr old dropped off at my house and basically spent the rest of the night dealing with a sick baby who wanted not much else except to be held by nana.

The kids spent the night on Saturday... by Sunday the baby was feeling better (but then again, after only four hours of sleep, I wasn't so much). By the time the kids went home on Sunday, J had already left to take a nap before his next shift.

Every single thing we had planned for Sunday went bust. But what did he do? He came to my house to help babysit. He sat with the older boys and watched a movie with them... helped clean up the kitchen a bit... took out the trash, all without being asked. He said he would have done more if he'd known what to do... sigh.

Sunday he stopped out again... and spent some time playing with the baby so I could take it easy, helping with the boys again... and wow. Not one complaint.

Not that we weren't a little disappointed that the kids were ill and that our own plans got derailed. But, he was there for me. 100% there for me.

This week, we're back to work and have a lunch date for tomorrow. I'm experiencing some warning signs that I sure hope don't mean I'm getting it next.... so far so good, but basically besides crossing my fingers, I'm compulsively washing hands, using germx and lysol and just trying not to overdo it.

We've got plans for this weekend... and next weekend is a romantic get away with the youngest going to his dad's for a week (plus J is taking a week of vacation and I'm getting away with a couple of days of vacation)!

In the meantime? I'm seriously falling for the guy who steps in and steps up when his girlfriend's grandchildren need her.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Slow Progress, but progress none-the-less

I've been doing 5 days on supplements, 2 days off.
Then 3 weeks of that on, and 1 week off.
Then 3 months of that on, and 1 month off.

And while I haven't noticed any sudden improvements, I've also not noticed any declines. I did overdo things a little bit a couple of times, rested thoroughly afterwards for several days which seemed to expediate my recovery.

But, lately, when the alarm goes off... I'm still in my deepest sleep cycle, but instead of taking multiple alarm clocks, turning on the tv at some point to try to 'raise' my alertness level to the point of being able to get out of bed.... I'm now able to get up only after hitting snooze for about 3 times (this is truly an improvement - a serious improvement). I'm still tired when I wake up; but it's more like the tiredness you would feel after getting six hours of sleep when you need eight; instead of the tired you would feel if you tried to run a marathon without training for it.

I've been able to spend far more time in the living area of my house instead of laid up in bed. I'm still sick, by no means am I cured... it's probably just a remission.

However, I also had to stop my supplements a little early this time around. I was having trouble taking something in the pile, not sure what... but every time my hand got near my mouth, I'd start to gag. And since before all of this started, I was forcing myself to take a supplement that was causing gagging reactions (and in the end, a supplement that was making me toxic)... well, let's just say that if my body starts saying no, I listen now.

I'll wait a couple of weeks and strip down to one or two supplements, see how I feel and add more in until I get the response again and then I can weed out the supplement that I probably shouldn't be taking.

Sunday, June 07, 2015

A good first date

It's been AGES since I've been on a GOOD date.

I went out with Uncle J... and while I was really nervous? I was also really comfortable with him at the same time. (good start)

I'd met him a couple of years ago at one of S's family events - she's my daughter-in-law and her family is always inviting me to tag along. They are super welcoming and since my own family is half-way across the state and rarely get together as it is, it's super nice to feel welcome to spend time with them.

At the time we met, he apparently had just broken up from a long-term relationship that didn't go well and ended badly, so it's only been recently that he's thought about dating.

On Mother's day, I was back in S's father's house. Her grandmother is super sweet and their whole family is very welcoming. I happened to have been sitting in the dining room chatting with folks as they sat with me a bit, moved to the living room a bit, etc. He sat down at the end of the table to just be social and we just chatted. Apparently the thing that stood out the most in his mind to think that maybe I'm someone he wants to get to know better? I was making eye contact and knitting away without looking at what I was doing. He mentioned it at the time and I just laughed it off, and said something about the fact that I'm always knitting... when you do it that often, and it's a simple pattern it really doesn't require too much attention. That I was just making yet another charity hat and how they are great for social events as they keep my hands busy and yet fly off the needles while I'm not even really paying attention.

Then he decided I was a nice person and attractive and he ended up getting my phone number... through my son no less. :-)  I can't believe it was my knitting that started it.

Anyway, we had a great supper and took a little drive to a nice spot to take a walk... then he dropped me off at my car.

He noticed my I <3 a="" admit="" admitted="" an="" and="" ask="" at="" based="" computers="" course="" crocheting="" enough="" finish="" from="" game.="" game="" geek="" had="" harry="" he="" hpkchc="" i="" incorporates="" into="" it="" just="" knits...="" knits="" knitting="" least="" life="" m="" movies="" nbsp="" nor="" not="" now="" of="" on="" once="" online="" p="" play="" playing="" potter="" real="" role="" s="" so="" start="" that="" the="" to="" was.="" watches="" what="" who="" with="" work="" year.="">

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Mars in retrograde? Full moon? What's up???

I've been online dating because to be honest, most of the men who meet me in real life either don't ask me out OR try to pick me up at a bar... not, here's my number, or can I have your number... let's go out... it's... let's go back to my place.

Yeah. I'm not interested in hooking up... so online data was my way to let it be known I want to date.

Still get lots of men interested in hooking up... still not going to happen.

But, it's probably been ten to twelve months since I've been on a decent date.

Three weeks ago I get a general ask out by a co-worker. He says - we should go out for dinner downtown someday. I said 'sounds good' before I thought about it and realized it's not a co-worker suggesting a work function. It's a 25 year old asking me out for dinner. Thankfully he hasn't brought it up again... I'm a BIT TOO OLD for him, you know?

Last week I got a text from a guy I dated last summer whom I stopped seeing when I realized he just wanted hookups and whatever it would take to get there, but not interested in speaking to me unless he was horny. Apparently he was horny again. No, not happening.

Yesterday I speak to my adult son. Apparently he got asked for my phone number from his father-in-law's brother whom we met when everyone got together for Mother's Day (he always drags me along to his family's events since my family is on the other side of the state)... seemed like a nice man, didn't really look at him that way... but a nice man, my own age, decent looking? Yeah... sure I'll give it a shot. Of course, he hasn't actually asked me out yet... but... it's weird.

Drought or Flood
Famine or Feast

... apparently some flip got switched and now I'm date-worthy again when I haven't been for a while. LOL

Friday, April 10, 2015

Dating in your 40's

Or technically not even dating, but trying to meet men online.... when you are in your 40's? Kinda sucks...

Twice now I've gotten to the point of phone calls, they come on a little too strong, I'm kind of.... well, we'll see....

And then the next thing you know? They have a problem. They hemmm.... they haw.... they finally get around to asking you to wire them money.

NOT - so totally NOT happening...

Twice now?

Do I look that stupid?

Because I'm not buying it.... I can't imagine that any other woman is that desperate that they would fall for this. Sad, sad world.

Maybe I'm better off as a hermit for a while longer.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

New floor

When I went shopping for homes, the last thing I wanted was brand new carpet newly installed in the house... and in fact, there was one house that didn't quite meet my needs, but that  had a flooring allowance as it needed new floors. A second house had a few of the things I wanted, but would have been too hard to manage with my knee if I was having another flare up.... also needed new floors.

But it was the last house that I settled on that had everything I wanted (except the wood floors). This particular home came with stained white carpet through out. Since most new home buyers would shy away from a pee stained carpet, I got a bit of a deal on the home.

Sadly, my dog felt that it was wrong for her to let someone else pee on her floor and had to make sure her sent was more dominant - a dog, just being a dog, I know... but uck!

I've also spilled foods - and while I can treat stains, the truth is that I knew the carpet was on it's way out, so I wasn't eager to spend any time removing those stains.

The cat did her part as well, since she seems to think that it's her duty to leave me presents all around the house (vomit) - sigh....

But the tax refund and bonus from work have come through - it's time to get the flooring replaced. I've picked out some nice bamboo hardwood flooring and am hoping to place the order for them tomorrow and have them installed sometime towards the end of April.

I can't WAIT to have a floor to be less ashamed of.

We'll be treating and putting an underlayment in... I can only hope between that and speedy wiping I can keep the new floor from getting smothered in urine.

Sadly, this means packing up the first floor and relocating a ton of things to the garage. I think most of the furniture will easily fit into the garage. My yarn stash will probably get taken to the basement into rubbermaid tubs. I'm hoping while I have the rooms bare, we can take a little time to paint the bedroom and touching up some of the paint in the other rooms.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Four Years post Hysterectomy

Warning: There may be a bit of TMI in this post.

But, I've been telling strangers about it because it just has me completely struck in irritation... and apparently I need to talk about it. So, let's revive the ol' blog and see if I can't get this down and out there and out of my head for a bit.

June 2011 I had a partial hysterectomy. At the time, they were considering taking the ovaries as well... but since they thought it was adenomyosis, the plan going in was to take the ovaries if they found any sign of endometriosis (which I have had in the past and is notorious for coming back) and if they didn't - then they could leave the ovaries. They always planned on leaving the cervix so that I would have less downtime as the result of the surgery.

Sure enough, no sign of endometriosis - so I kept my ovaries. Since I wasn't looking forward to surgical induced menopause, I was kind of relieved. I did know that if there was any chance there was endometriosis hiding in there, that I could start spotting. And in fact, some women do spot for a year or so post surgery if they keep their ovaries. But I was fine.  When I started spotting a year ago, I thought... hmmm... wonder if they had missed some endometriosis. Since I had been warned spotting was a possibility, it didn't shake me up too much.

But then about two months ago - I started passing large amounts of clear mucous. I wasn't too concerned about it. I'd passed some in the past and knew that it was related to cervical issues possibly in the past - assumed this was the same and just kept an eye on it. If it was going to get cloudy, or darkly colored, or bloody - I was going to go in to get checked. It didn't and about a week later it stopped. (I did toss out the specific container of lubricant that had been used a couple of days before it had started... I just thought that maybe it had introduced some bacteria or something into my system).

Well, funny enough... about a month later. My period started. Yep. Post-hysterectomy 'miracle' period. I went to the doctor this time. To be completely honest, I was still thinking something cervical as far as an infection or something. Nope. A true menstral period, not spotting, but a true flow... albeit, a light flow.

This time I went in. I got checked out. Sure enough... it's a period.

Verdict? My crazy cervix is actually smaller than normal as apparently it was 'boggy' (what the heck does that mean anyway on a surgical report when talking about body parts???) ... in the surgery they removed the 'boggy' uterus and removed as much of the 'boggy' cervix as they could without causing more recovery time for me - leaving just a smidgen of it.

And... that itty bitty bit of a cervix has decided to grow an endometrial lining. Not endometriosis since that has to occur outside of the uterus and cervix area to be called endometriosis... basically my cervix has decided to turn into a miniature uterus.

So, my next question was.... hmmmm... so there's actually an endometrial lining? Does that mean that there could be 'implantation'... Immediate answer was, "Of course, you can't get pregnant - without a womb you'd never be able to carry it to term." ... technically that doesn't answer my question. I didn't ask if I could have a baby as I'm pretty aware that a cervix isn't sufficiently large enough to support a placenta. But I had asked if there could be implantation - like a tubal pregnancy or something like that where the egg implants outside the uterus. Technically, yes. Hopefully if it did happen it wouldn't be quite so dangerous as a tubal pregnancy but there's nothing to prevent it from happening. Ideally, the cervix that was left after surgery would have had a small amount of tissue attached over the other end of it to prevent eggs from traveling there - but there wasn't enough healthy uterine tissue to use to do that.

Then he proceeded to try to tease me/laugh at me for even asking the question because it was so far fetched that anyone would worry about getting pregnant post-hysterectomy.

Only... he's not the doctor who would know that I had gotten pregnant while using condoms, gotten pregnant while using birth control pills, gotten pregnant while using condoms and birth control pills, and gotten pregnant after a tubal ligation.

I did my best to resist the urge to kick him in his teeth. Suffice it to say, I won't go back to him again. I basically just said that I wanted to know if it was possible, not probable and that if I felt the need to use birth control it was my own decision - not his. Not that I think I need to invest in serious control (not like I'm having sex that often as it is)... but a condom isn't going to be the end of the world and if it helps avoid a potential health complication from a tubal pregnancy, then I don't see the reason I wouldn't consider it.

In the meantime... I've had to borrow quarters twice because I have no 'products' in the office. I've bought enough for at home, but never thought about keeping them in the office again. Silly, I know. But I'm completely out of practice dealing with this.

Again... more TMI.  I think it's solved a piece of the mystery with some of my gut health issues. I've eliminated every single food trigger that I know of for my diarrhea.  But I was still having issues... occasionally it's after I eat food that might have been cross-contaminated. But there were times where I'd go for days on end with it and know that everything I had cooked during that time should have been safe for me to eat. While I still think some of the food I buy at restaurants are triggering the issues (not that I eat out that often - but it seems like it's within 20 minutes of eating their food that I see the symptom)... there's another trigger I hadn't connected.

My period. I knew I was still 'cycling' through hormones as with my ovaries, I would still have pms and acne break outs... but at least the cramping was better (sigh, that's back again as well, albeit quite mild).  But I hadn't timed the 'cycle' with my diarrhea that was suspect for why I was having it. It's spot on - starting a day or two before my period and running for five to seven days. For two periods now, it's been spot on that I only have it after eating someone else's food or during the five to seven days around my period. It wasn't until I was have a true period that I had connected the dots and remembered how bad the diarrhea had been during my period.  And sure enough, when the period stops, so does the diarrhea.


Right now the plan is to try to live with the period. While it's definitely an inconvenience and one that I'm no longer used to... the pain is definitely mild. The inconvenience is mild. I'm not loosing buckets and while the cramps suck big time - at least they are still mild - like take two ibuprofen, mild. Unlike before when I was taking ibuprofen and tylenol (opposite each other) every two hours (so I stayed within recommended dosages) AND strapping on heating pads to my back and stomache AND spending days on end in bed coping with the misery.

The uterus went because I had adenomyosis. And technically, I have to be cured of that with it's removal as it's the build up of endometrial tissue within the muscle walls of the uterus. No uterus, no muscle walls, no adenomyosis.  So, hopefully that means that even if it's another 10 years to natural menopause (it ought not be that long)... it won't ever get that painful again. But if it does get painful, then I go back in. Wonder what they call it? Not sure the insurance company would approve a second hysterectomy. In fact, I'd think they'd call foul on that attempt. Surely there's a name for it. Wonder how many of those procedures they do on a regular basis?