The last several months have been a flurry of activity.
J spent two months hinting about proposing with me putting it off, saying I'm not ready yet. But, it's good he did... because by the time he did propose I'd had time to really think about my answer. I didn't even let him finish his question before I responded with a "yes, yes, Yes!!!".
I still have some nervousness about my health issues and dealing with remission. But, I can't imagine a single person in this world with more compassion and care of me - who could handle it as well as I expect him to. He's a care giver at heart. Examples:
His adult son needed to move home after his roommate and he ended up not being able to stay together as roommates. His response? Come home... you can stay as long as you need to.
He found an adorable cat to adopt... too sick to come home, he covered the medical costs, got him treated and dental work done and took him home as soon as he could. Seriously, he adopted an ill cat without thinking twice. (I thought I was the only one who did things like this).
A robin laid eggs in his climbing rose bush between the vines and the arbor just outside his kitchen window. The weight of the growing babies caused the nest to start to slide into an alarming slant. He spent two hours trying to bend wires and come up with a solution to support the nest until the babies could fly away to keep them from falling out and getting injured by the thorns or by the fall itself. (Together we saved the nest... the babies left the nest the following week - we're hoping due to a successful learning curve in flying).
Even my own 13 yr old - little a.... he's been thoughtful enough to think about things that concern him. His eyesight has gotten really bad and peripheral vision is almost non-existent. At 13, he's still sleeping with the lights on and I've tried to explain that between dealing with anxiety issues and vision issues, I've been trying to be patient and let him have the light he needs to get a good nights sleep right now and let time and hopefully improvements in anxiety take effect... because as much as I want the light bill to drop back to normal? right now it's little a's ability to sleep through the night matters more. He took this information and processed it and gained insight into it above what I even understood. ... He told me that he spent a little time trying to put on little a's shoes and his eyes and think about what a semi-dark or darkened room might look like. If there were shadows but you couldn't see what was causing them, and turning your head made more of the room harder to see... well, of course having shadows would make you nervous. Add in anxiety where you tend to struggle and focus on the 'worry' about what it might be... add in vision issues that mean that unless you get out of bed and walk to within a foot of the shadow you still don't know what it is? Well, no wonder he's scared of sleeping in the dark. I would be too.
(melted my heard a bit on that one... I had never thought of it that way)
I've had time to really delve into my feelings... am I getting swept away by the romance of it all (well, ok, yes, maybe a little) ... but really - the reality is this. He's handsome & kind. He's considerate... he spends time thinking about ways to get me to smile, to lesson my stress, to get a laugh out of me. The chemistry is awesome. He even likes to cuddle (which really helps with the fact that I need to spend an above average amount of time resting and relaxing). (never met a man that could handle cuddling unless it was a means to an end). He's level-headed... and set in trying to be a good man - to me, for me and with me.
My heart wanted to go to him before my brain was ready. I kept waiting for the 'truth' of his behavior to tell me he wasn't the man he said he was. We've been dating/engaged for 13 1/2 months now... and he hasn't lied once... he hasn't held things from me (well, ok, he did wait to tell me he wanted to marry me... but that was pretty smart for him to get me well enough to know I wouldn't have been able to handle that after the second date). From the very beginning we have been very forthright and honest with each other. Which is very, very good because I'll be honest... so many men have lied, misled and/or cheated on me,... It's to the point where I don't really believe anything a man who wants to sleep with me says - UNTIL he proves he's telling the truth. Well, this one... he's proven himself over and over again. He's who he says he is (and he's adorable), he's attracted to me and willing to tell me so and call me beautiful on a daily basis. He's crushed if something happens to his cell phone and we can't text during the day or have our phone calls at night (he works nights, sleeps in the evenings - so other than texts/calls - we don't see each other much during the week).
He may not be perfect, but he's mine and I love him with all my heart. It took a good five months for the walls to come down enough for me to let him propose. But he was adamant and persistent and patient. He, too, still has a few walls we need to work on next (dealing with living with each other - as he hasn't moved in yet). I think I still have a few that aren't going to be visible until we run into them.
Now we just have to figure out how to get through a wedding, a move, a honeymoon all landing this fall... without going crazy or getting overstressed or over stepping budgets... ha! Can't wait to see how this is going to all work out.